What If?
by Rebecca B Bush
Summary: Alternate ending when Carter sees Paul Sobricki again. What if he had handled the situation differently?


What If?  
  
AN: I just recently watched the rerun with the return of Sobricki and the blue collar dudes in my head started throwing around different scenarios than how TPTB played it out. Here's my favorite, hope you like it!!  
  
"Susan, you have to restrain him, NOW!" Abby hollered. Why couldn't Susan get it through her head that this man was dangerous?  
  
"I have no cause to restrain him" she began to speak but was interrupted by Carter.  
  
"What on earth is all the fuss about? You ladies look like you're about to get into a cat fight!" He laughed until he heard someone else speak.  
  
"Can someone please help me? I think the cut has reopened, and I, I need a drink of water."  
  
Carter froze. Images of Valentine's Day, Lucy, the knife, Atlanta all went blazing through his head. Sweat broke out on his forehead and he felt cold and clammy.  
  
"Is that..." his voice was raspy, "is that Paul Sobricki?"  
  
Abby nodded, giving Susan a painful look. "We tried to get him transferred, but Susan thought he was to critical and I tried to get her to put him in restraints and-"  
  
Carter interrupted her with a wave of his hand. He swallowed, and spoke solemnly. "I'll go in. No restraints, no transfers." He turned on his heel and walked in to the room, leaving Susan and Abby staring at nothing open mouthed.  
  
***  
  
Paul's POV  
  
I am scared to death of being in this hospital. I don't remember too much of what went on, but I know that I killed someone here and badly injured someone else. I do not want to be here I should not be here but no one listened to me when I said take me somewhere else.  
  
I've been on my meds ever since the "accident" and things are going well. I've been in counseling, rehab, I even got a job 5 months ago. My wife has stuck by me, and my baby is beautiful. I'm at peace with myself but it's a fragile peace. I know that at any time if I went off my meds I would turn in to that crazy maniac I was two years ago. I don't want to be that person again.  
  
I can hear the two women arguing in the hallway. The one girl with the mousey brown hair I recognized almost immediately. At first I thought she looked a lot like the girl I had stabbed. Lucy, they said her name was. Then I realized she was working at the hospital that night, was one of the people having their little party in the waiting area. The other woman I did not know, but I gathered that she was a doctor, and hadn't known who I was at first. That was a blessing actually.  
  
I wish I could tell them that I'm better, that I'm not bad, I'm not evil. But even if I did, I don't think they would listen, and why should they? They lost one of their own because of me.  
  
I hear the door open and I look up and see a gentleman in my room. Images flash through my head of watching this man walk in the room, me walking up behind him, shoving the knife in his back not once but twice.Oh God. Hot tears spill down my cheeks as I wait for what this man has to say.  
  
***  
  
Carter's POV  
  
I looked at the man lying on the bed, who just noticed I had entered the room. Out of nowhere, tears began to flow freely down his cheeks and he mutters over and over again that he is so sorry, so very sorry, and he never meant to...  
  
I put a finger to my lips and slide the doctor's chair over to his bed.  
  
"Please...please don't hurt me," he begged, and I winced, thinking that's probably what Lucy was saying when he was stabbing her. I brushed the thought out of my mind however, and focused on the situation at hand.  
  
"You didn't want to be here, did you?" I asked him softly.  
  
He vehemently shook his head no. "No, no, no. I told them 'Not County' but they would not listen. I even tried to explain to them what happened and they just sat there and looked at me like I was..." he trailed off.  
  
"Crazy?" I asked, then did not wait for an answer. "Mr. Sobricki, you're not crazy. You're sick, yes, but not crazy. Do you know why I'm in here right now, even though I am absolutely terrified?"  
  
Paul shook his head again.  
  
"I'm here because I want to you know that I faced death and won, but it came at one helluva price. I lost my med student that day, did they tell you that? For six months I went through grueling rehab, endured the pathetic glances from coworkers not sure I should be working, and then, then I went through hell with an addiction to pain killers and then whatever I could get my hands on. I went through all of this, but look at me now, Paul. I'm still here, I'm still alive. I made it through."  
  
Paul was silent for a moment. Perhaps I had overloaded him with too much. But then he spoke, rather softly so that I had to bend in to hear him.  
  
"You know what? We are very similar then. My illness was like death for me." He struggled a bit, and I could tell he was having some problems with this. With every nerve ending in my body standing on edge, I leaned my arm over and placed my hand on his shoulder. Paul winced for a brief moment and then relaxed.  
  
"I forgive you Paul. Or rather, I forgive the Paul that committed those terrible acts. But you aren't that person anymore, I can see that."  
  
Tears formed in both of our eyes as we just sat there. I applied fresh bandages to his wound, and his wife, although very startled to see me when she came in, let me hold their baby girl who they had named, appropriately enough, Lucy. I cried some more with them, Paul and I crying as only men can, dabbing at our eyes every so often. Paul's wife told me how once Paul was hospitalized their life turned around, resulting in his early release. They were hoping to conceive another child in a year or two, but hoping also that the schizophrenia was not passed on to them.  
  
I finally stood up to leave them alone. I checked his chart one last time, and a nurse who I didn't know popped her head to let the Sobricki's know that Paul would be released tomorrow morning. I shook his hand and actually hugged his wife goodbye and walked out the door.  
  
***  
  
I walked by Susan and Abby, who were whispering amongst themselves at the admit desk. Susan looked at me sharply and asked if I was okay. I could see the same questions in Abby's eyes, although she was silent.  
  
"I'm just fine, actually, better than I've been in a long, long time," I answered them. And it was the truth. I had forgiven Paul for what happened, and I felt at peace with myself.  
  
***  
  
AN: Well, let me know what you think. A little too emotional for two guys I guess, but look what they had been through. I wish this was something close to how they had portrayed the two seeing each other. I've never been stabbed by anyone so I can't say I would feel about running into the person two years later, but I did have an Aunt who was killed by her ex-boyfriend so I know what feels like to lose someone so horribly. I just wanted to show this from a different perspective. Please please please review...I love them! 


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